Three essential capabilities of stand-out leaders.
There is nothing quite like a good humbling. Sometimes we need to taste the dirt to get grounded.
Not so long ago I had such an experience. Though it crushed my delicate ego, it also crystallized three capabilities essential to the success of any leader: reception, introspection, and perception.
These skills are not reserved for leaders. They are transferable to all cooperative relationships, like friendships, partnerships, and parenting. But where reception, introspection, and perception are advisable for humanity-at-large, they are mandatory for the effective leader.
I’ll use my recent experience to explain. I chose this story because it is a convenient and relevant example. Everyone involved was well-intended. We just happened to be in the same car when the train derailed.
I volunteered to help out a local startup. One day, while doing research, I had a serendipitous chat with a colleague who squarely fit the definition of their target customer. He generously spent time trying out the product and provided thorough feedback. I shared the constructive (but not overly critical) feedback with the founder. His chief response was: “Wrong!”. In words, he crumpled the feedback into a ball and chucked it across the room. By dismissing it, he overlooked a key insight into the product-market fit we were after. It could have saved him weeks.
Reception. Whether it’s an observation from a direct report, an opposing opinion from a peer, or negative feedback from a customer, successful leaders hear. They do not preempt the message. They remain open, curious, and seek to understand. Receptivity doesn’t mean acquiescing to every suggestion. Rather, it means inviting other points of view whilst holding space for your own. Leaders who are receptive welcome pressure-testing their ideas. They spend most of their time working at the intersection of conviction and connection, balancing their opinion with contrarian points of view. In this way, they make more informed decisions and exercise better judgment.
Leaders who lack reception tend to surround themselves with head-nodders, creating an echo chamber impermeable to alternate points of view. Applause feels good but its better suited for performers than leadership performance. A leader who dislikes dissent or has a visceral response to terms like “devil’s advocate”, lacks reception. They may also avoid situations that expose them to being questioned (such as one-way communication or answering only curated Q&A). If this resonates with you, try becoming your own critic. Prove yourself wrong. If you’ve already shredded the idea, how much more harm could a few more cuts do? Inflicting your own pain can make it less uncomfortable to hear feedback from others.
Back to the story.
Three weeks in I’m plugging away, feeling pretty good about contributing actual work-product used in the wild. Meanwhile, unbeknownst to me, the founder was gnashing his teeth. I wasn’t meeting his expectations. “Why hasn’t she taken ownership of the team and delivered a long-term strategy by now?”, he queried. Something had gotten lost in translation. It seemed a tall order for an unpaid, part-time, non-employee, with no title, no assigned team, and no authority. Had the founder reached out we could have realigned mismatched expectations — figured something out. But for him, it wasn’t about mutual responsibility. There was only one failure and it was mine.
Introspection. The most effective leaders can pause at the threshold of unexpected or undesired results and ask “How did we get here?”. Importantly, they ask how they themselves contributed. Before reacting, these leaders look inward to discern what they are feeling, why, and whether it is a fully informed response. They take responsibility for what they failed to do and look for ways they can do better. It is not unreasonable for a leader to expect qualified professionals to do their job. It is not unreasonable for a leader to set high expectations. But the best leaders do not deny their accountability. They understand introspection and initiative are critical tools. When they are misunderstood, they know they need to communicate better; when people don’t come to them, they know they need to seek them out; when expectations and results are misaligned, they know they need to examine where they left gaps.
A leader who lacks introspection is more focused on what others did or failed to do than what they might have done. They look outward to blame or explain. They react quickly and often emotionally when met with undesired outcomes. They see unmet expectations as someone’s failure to prove themselves, rather than a sign leadership guidance, support, or empowerment may have been lacking. If you want to become more introspective, begin by exploring how your actions influence everyday interactions. Something as simple as reliving your last disagreement or unpleasant customer call center exchange, can be illuminating.
On to the last chapter.
One Monday morning, I joined standup a few minutes late. A team member was sharing some work we did over the weekend. The founder interrupted, “Wait, what?! Why did she work on that? Why is she still involved?”. I was confused at first, then it donned on me I just showed up for a party I wasn’t invited to. When the founder realized I was on the call he tried to paddle, but the titanic could not be saved. Awkward expressions swept over the team. I had been ousted and I was the last to know. After the call, another team member was appointed to confirm what I already knew. Had the founder been able to empathize other perspectives, the situation could have been resurrected long before it reached this point. Instead, everyone lost.
Perception. Gaining perspective is the first step in developing empathy. Leaders with this capability are adept at seeing situations from multiple vantage points. They endeavor to “wear the shoes” of others and understand how they may perceive or experience circumstances differently. When they aren’t sure, they ask. This doesn’t mean leaders need to adopt a different perspective. Rather, it means acknowledging divergent experiences and being sensitive to how others may be impacted. Think of it as data-driven leadership, where thoughtful inquiry precedes conclusion and action. Being able to anticipate reactions and outcomes is a powerful skill and valuable business asset.
Leaders who lack perception have difficulty imagining any other way of seeing things. They tend to be myopic and dogmatic and, as a result, may appear insensitive and dismissive. Leaders who cannot appreciate different perspectives are often shocked when their actions are not well-received. They can’t comprehend reactions that do not reflect their own experience. If you have a hard time empathizing with others, try imagining “what if” scenarios. For example, if your perspective happens to be this volunteer is not meeting expectations, ask yourself “What if I were donating my time and effort, how might that change my view?”. Draw upon real experiences to use as a comparison, such as thinking back on a time you were a temporary worker.
The capacity for reception, introspection, and perception can distinguish great leaders. Even in simple scenarios like the story shared here, you can see how these capabilities can have a dramatic impact on leadership success. What is also clear is capability alone is insufficient. There must be a commitment to learn and convert insight into action — the growth flywheel: learn, practice, learn, apply, learn, practice…and so on. When leaders hear other points of view, hold themselves accountable, and understand different vantage points, they open up space for the insight, wisdom, and empathy necessary to become more capable, more accomplished, and more enduring.
When this story came to an end, I could have denied the validity of the founder’s feedback, refused to take responsibility for the part I played, and ignored his point of view. But fortunately, the significance of the experience was not lost on me. So, I chose reception, introspection, and perception. This awareness afforded me the objectivity, accountability, and understanding needed to preserve relationships, internalize lessons learned, and smile in gratitude. I can assure you a far more mature and positive outcome than might have been. The experience reinforced my responsibility to practice reception, introspection, and perception in every situation, whether I am leading or not. I hope you can benefit the same way I have.
